Oh, where have all the smiles gone . . .

Siena is sick. More sick than the two boys have ever been. Siena is a girl who loves to smile and make everyone else around her smile. I haven't seen my beautiful little girl smile since Sunday. Not even Braydon can make her smile and he is our go-to guy when she needs cheering up. He can always get a smile, but not now.

She sleeps, she eats, she cries. If we put her down on the floor to change her, she doesn't move when we finish. She eats a little from the bottle - just a couple ounces at a time - and then cries herself to sleep. Her breathing is labored and sounds more like panting. Her body and limbs just droop and hang in my arms. She wakes up and in fits of coughing and tears of pain every so often and there is nothing we can do to comfort her. Her cries are more like moans, groans, and wales. We rub her back, we hold her, we sing to her, but she is inconsolable. She has a constant fever that is kept under wraps with alternating rounds of Tylenol and Ibuprofen every few hours. My poor little girl.

After spending the majority of the day at Children's Hospital yesterday and another visit to the pediatricians with more swabs today - we have ruled out pneumonia and are pretty sure that it is bronchiolitis. We should get confirmation tomorrow.

Not that this is about us, but this girl knows how to pull-not tug- but really pull our heart strings. She's been doing it before day one. I have a shirt that says: "Dad, the toughest job you'll ever love." That couldn't ring more true than right now.

These last few days have been sleepless and have brought about many of the same feelings as I had felt when Siena was in the NICU. Feelings that I thought I had left far behind. Ugh! I can't wait until she is safe, healthy, and happy again.

Those feelings got me thinking . . .
. . . parenting is most fulfilling in the smiles of our children . . .

Sheeezz-we just celebrated her first birthday and everything seemed like smooth sailing. It serves as a reminder . . . rough waters are unpredictable and never too far off. The blessing and curse of parenthood is that for the rest of our lives many of our greatest sorrows, heart aches, and fulfillment will be rooted in their struggles, health, and happiness. Our children will grow up to be adults, but they will always be our children. I get it; parenting is tough but does it ever get easier?